Good tears

I didn't know just how scared I was till the doctor walked in and said.. it's not cancer.. I didn't know how sick to my stomach I was till I heard those words.. I just started sobbing.. Every single thing just seemed to come out in the form of weeping.. I just let the tears roll back and let them chop off the last bit of this horrid mole that grew back so fast I just knew it was cancer.. and just knew.. I would die soon.. Hopefully that's not the case and I can go back to life.. without that word if only for a little while...

As I cried I just thought about losing Randy.. getting William's mole removed and he is fine... all the people on forums I frequent who are gone now due to melanoma .. I just cried.. I haven't cried about it.. and I just let it all out.. and still am right now.. God damn I'm lucky.. I missed the bullet again.. It seems like the gun is always pointed straight at my face in one way or the other.. I hear the click... and sometimes the shot.. but somehow.. in some matrix like move.. it misses me.

I am in the Summer of my life.. I am taking in everything... all this goes by in a blink and thanks for being part of the ride.. it's no fun going on a roller coaster alone.. I might leave this world alone.. but I don't have to live here alone..

I love you all..

namaste,

Elizabeth