Things get to me more, and I know part of it is being pregnant, but I feel upset, hurt, offended, more often than not. That and it's like a sauna outside so not feeling like that is the greatest thing ever when you are 8 months pregnant and just want to be active, but not die of heat stroke.
I got our couch yesterday which was more of an ordeal than it should have been but suffice it to say it looks really good and it's extremely comfortable which makes me happy. I have to be honest and say I am not a sectional person but this one seems to really do our room justice and not take up all the wrong spaces. The traditional couch, with two loveseats, and perhaps a chair was just not working the way I would have liked. Plus I really love a chaise lounge.. those make me super happy!
The green in the kids play room is growing on me.. It's a very happy color and I think with curtains and everything moved back in it will really be nice. The blue for the bathrooms and the new soon to be master bedroom looks really nice and I will be glad when that is all put back together and clean .
It's miserable being pregnant and having no where to nest/ all my stuff is in boxes and has been since October/whenever we put the house on the market. I can't find any of my baby wraps and am too fat and pregnant to be lifting boxes and going through them. I just wish I had one shelf that I could lay all this baby stuff out on to see what I have, what I might need, and the sizes and be super organized because I don't know how 3 is going to be. I am not as nervous as I was going from 1 to 2 , but it's still upsetting not to be as prepared as I want to be.
I feel like I am letting everyone down and not doing a good job at anything. I am required to watch over this remodel and before that remodel + dying relative which made me a poor/ non existent parent. I am over-inundated with things to schedule so much so to the point I am driving like a bat out of hell to get to a doctor's appointment that didn't exist.
All I want to do is get prepared for this baby and be at home. Every thing that comes up makes that not possible and really quite frustrating. It seems if I am here I am not doing enough and if I am there I am ignoring what is going on at the house. I can't think straight. Pregnancy fog is bad enough without all of this. And I/we still have not made a decision to send William back to school or not. Being as emotional as I am I really just don't want him to go.. I want my babies with me.. and just take a year off from everything and just live..
I am tired of death. I am sick and tired of schedules. I am tired of being away from my kids. I am tired of being tired all the time. I am tired of being a disorganized, unhelpful, overemotional wreck. And I am tired of having the burden of it all fall on my shoulders... It seems like there are more and more things to do and the time to do them is just not there. I would actually like to take a real vacation this year.. a break.. but I need to get my house put back together and the weekends keep booking up.
My life is hectic... and I do like to stay busy to some degree.. but I just want to absorb my life right now.. cause I know I don't have a lot of time here.. and if I can just.. make it worth while.. or at least enjoyable to the people around me.. I would be happy .
Like yesterday, I wanted nothing more than to grab my mama a mandolin. I know better than to buy the first one you see/play though so I will be keeping an eye out and researching which ones play and sound the best. Plus I might just grab myself a nice violin... I loved playing it and really wish I could remember the one I had so I could get the same one.
So many things you can do in one life... so many days still just going by. The more I learn , the more I want to learn..Oh well.. going to hop off here and go do something instead of writing about it.
Namaste,
Elizabeth
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