milestones

Mealie actually peed in the potty today for the first time since she was 18months old.. because she is "too busy" or " I just don't want to " or just "no.. no no no no no! " Thank god.. I was about to think this child would be in diapers on her wedding day. Who knows at age 16 she might revert again?!?!

William is loving school now that the stomach bug/evil shitting virus is gone. Now he is just got an ever lasting cold that both Mealie and I have. Between cat allergies and colds I don't know how much tissue I am going to be purchasing but I might want to buy stock in Kleenex before I start my hording.

I will be exactly 9 week preggo tomorrow..I am happy, but reserved. With everything that has happened to so many mothers I know... I just can't allow myself to get insanely attached to the idea that things will go well.. I am the only one in the world it seems to not have something bad happen.. My horrible morning sickness makes it quite easy to be more somber than jubilant . I lost 4 pounds this week and am dehydrated. The more I drink the more I feel nauseated and lousy, but I know I a, dehydrated so I drink.. feel lousy.. sleep it off but lately it's not in the cards.

Between chemo day, William going to school and my only day slightly off is Tuesday in which something must wake me up/violently nauseated and throwing up I just can't catch a break.. I try to come back home and sleep. Today was actually a really good day as I didn't nurse Mealie at all last night or all day today so I felt better and actually slept soundly... got to take a nap and sleep even more soundly.

The hormones have made me strung out and weepy all the time.. everything makes me ball.. and I just go to sleep.. and if I can't just try not to puke on myself cause crying makes me nauseous..

I did have an alright day when I went to get my ultrasound , but left unimpressed with how quick the technician was and didn't tell me any details other than here is your baby.... click print... bye. Same with my doctor..in and out.. but at least got the details out of him that it's heart rate is 169 and it is an inch long..

I got to talk to my aunt and my grandma Cricket. I love sitting down with her and talking especially since they gave me something that settled my stomach LEMON BARS!!! ... We traded conspiracy theories... talked about documentaries we have been watching and just had an intelligent conversation with no qualms or anything.. she is so easy to talk to.. very left bent like myself.. one of my favorite people ever. Commence the crying.... okay.. must stop crying.. okay.. gotta go..

Urgh.... I will be glad when I can hold my tears back inside of me... instead of wanting to curl up in bed and weep for days.


namaste,
Elizabeth