New life, new bubble

Listening to Morten Lauridsen's Lux Aeterna takes me back to a time when all I did was cry. I didn't know where I was going.. all I knew is that I wanted to sing.. and I wanted to find my one. Because if I found him.. I would not be alone. I would be miserable.. possibly.. but not alone.

I have a man who is downstairs fixing things for me.. Was he this soulful long haired fellow hippie I had imagined? No. Quite the opposite. If you haven't watched Dharma and Greg well that would be the epitome of our relationship. Really . And it causes problems .. more funny now than when we first were married. Life is never simple and hardly ever easy. At least I never seem to make mine that way.

I found my happy bubble again, this time without so much credit card usage. Things can always get worse before they get better and I don't plan on thinking of things that way. I want with everything in my heart to make this work. To make US work... running away from my life, the life I have created is not an option for me now. As much as I would like to...

My main pleasures now are gluing our paper turkeys for Thanksgiving together and watching William now color in the lines. He wants his Big Boy sandwish from Subway and Mealie wants her Boob sandwich from Mama. Which is hilarious! Although they like saying butt a lot in the car and giggle merrily... which was funny once so now it's funny all the time. I am so not one of those parents to drill into a child about it especially with just the word butt. Now when Mealie called her Daddy a Butthole.. I died laughing ... just cause it's this little bitty voice saying it and it caught me offguard. Now she says it all the time because I laughed once. I've scolded, spanked her hand, told her no, did everything I was supposed to do the first time, but still no use. She now at least says Sorry Mama, I shouldn't say You're A Butthole. Then giggles and runs away.

My children can act so sweet in public sometimes and then other times they make me miserable. And I never know before leaving the house exactly which one it's going to be. Maybe they should come with little meters of Happy Level sensors.. something in which I know when they are going to have their little meltdowns.

I feel like I am split in so many directions that I am doing a poor job at everything. I can be positive for everyone else but me. The bubble keeps me sheltered from the jeers.. the bumps in the road.. Little every day problems seem to trip me up the most because I seem to have lost patience with everything and everyone. I am glad this week Kevin is going to be home to help out a little.

I am really looking forward to all the yummy food we are going to have this week and the fact that I can possibly sleep in:)

Doing everything I can, one day at a time.
Namaste,
Elizabeth