Routine

Something I never thought would be a word I wanted to have around. I never liked it. I always wanted to be free to do what I want, when I want, how I want, and be damned if anyone changed it. Well.. two things changed everything and it took about 4 years to finally get into the groove. And my Father in Law moving in with us to settle me down and pretty much make me stay put for more than 5 seconds.

I never realized just how much time I had spent in a car till he moved in with us and I HAD to stay at home. I get the itch to just get in the car and drive and quite honestly I did it a lot, so much so I rarely stayed at home.

It all started with Thursdays. That's the day we take him to his chemotherapy treatments. I get up really early ,at least for me,around 7am and waddle hopelessly to the bathroom to splash myself with water so I am fully aware the sun is up and I need to get dressed. I usually have saved up some Chick Fil A coupons to use so I can grab a breakfast burrito or granola and yogurt for free, and that's what we stop and get before he goes in. Sometimes I go with him and sit for awhile, most days now I don't unless he has a doctors appointment, that and I can't stay back very long because of the rules of the office.

After that I either head back home so my mom can run her errands or I run my own. I go to a couple of shops and chill out, perhaps knit a little while and wait on the farmer's market to get going around noon. I head over there cheerfully as I have a few booths that I have found friends in. After that I either grab lunch for the kids and my mom, and then wait for Randy to get out of Chemo so we can go grab a bite to eat. Although lately it's been hard to find things that he likes, especially right after his treatment.

We head back and I figure out what to cook for dinner/what to go out and grab and then Friday comes and Kevin comes with it.

And with that... one day.. One day of everything in it's place and the routine pretty much set was all it took to change everything.

I started to clean more and not begrudge it. I get up in the morning and get dressed and already have plans for the day. I have MOPS meetings, doctor's appointments, lists apps to help me make grocery runs more efficient. I cook more and have started to experiment more off the weekly list of go to dishes. The kids have a bedtime now and routine to follow to get there.
I am so proud that 1am is now late for me to where I WANT to be in bed instead of online searching for retail therapy items. Maybe it's part of growing up and becoming a real live working being.

I have worked hard for years fighting a routine even though I was most happy in one. I have found time where I thought there was none. I am practicing yoga again! and I am in a choir so I am singing again. And today I just started back walking at the park despite my fears of rape and abduction.. I sit here amazed at what I am doing.. and it's all snow balling. One day... Thursday..started it all. One day where it could be depressing, almost just unbearable to think about what is going on.. it turned my whole life around and for the better.

Things happen.. all the time.. good things, bad things.. everything is happening.. How we look, see, feel, and deal with these things determines who we are. I hope I am on my way to becoming a better person.. the person I really want to be.

But now.. it's late.. and I am going to bed.
Namaste,
Elizabeth