End of June

And all of my preggos and in full bloom. I am knitting like a mad woman trying to get everyone's hats and washcloths made. I actually find it a great way to pass the time in all the waiting rooms I have been going to lately.

Did I mention how bad cancer sucks? If you know someone who smokes.. kick them.. hard.. in the shin.. and tell them that quitting smoking is easier than starting chemo and having cancer.

Seems the more I know about it the more I wish I didn't. He has a stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma...very aggressive. In order to treat the cancer you basically do radiation/chemo hoping the cancer dies faster than it kills you. It's the year 2010 and that's the best we got. I study and study and I write form after form.. more information after information... my brain is melting from the sudden surge of research it is made to do and retain. For instance, if I fill out x amount of forms we can qualify for manufacturer discounts on chemo drugs. Also that the low end chemo drugs cost a tenth of the high end chemo drugs and are only less effective by 3-4% . So why pay 20k when you can get the low end for 2k and actually be able to afford treatment. Even then we are looking at 18 weeks of chemo... not including radiation therapy in which we are waiting on the CT scan to come back and see if it has spread to his lungs..

He finally moved in with us prior to his blood transfusion...he is finally eating some more solid foods which I am so happy to see him do. I have been getting stuff from the farmer's market hoping something would catch his eye.

Speaking of the Farmer's Market.. I am in love with all the people I have made friends with. I have my Soap lady.. who has just been so absolutely sweet to me. She loves t he kids and she also has experience taking care of her father in law who died of cancer. I am in debt to the wealth of information I get from her.. also in debt to her wonderful soapmaking skills.

I have my organic lady- who is also the MOPS leader of the group I belong to. She makes this bread that I just have gone crazy over. And she finally made some today to bring to the market.. I could have bought it all! Buckatobon bread I believe is the name of it.. It's soooooooo good. I would let you try some.. but.. you know.. I waited a long time.. go to the market and get some!

I have my pickle lady- whom also makes little cookies I get for the kids.. a buck for two cookies.. perfect. But the pickles are awesome. Homemade Kosher Dills... you can't beat that. I bought some zucchini from her the other day and my god it was just delicious.

I have my blueberry ladies.. one I am going to go pick from and the other sells a little pint for 2 dollars.. I always grab some of those.. they will hold me over till I get to pick some next week.

My math professor's dad. Mr. Boyd Sr..I always buy something from him whether or not I need it. He always makes me smile and that in and of itself is worthy of my sale. Plus I am stalking him for my sugar baby melons... he grows the best sweetest ones.. and always gives me a good deal since I buy like 10 at a time..

There is also a lady there that makes jewelry and she is new.. but I like her already.. and there is a new guy that sells goat cheese and meat. I like the cheese a lot considering goat cheese usually puts me off. But what I am really waiting till pay day to try is the meat.

I always have a good time at the Farmer's Market.. it just makes me happy... I don't know what I would do all summer without it.

Amelia and William- They are growing up so fast. William is still the little sweety. My side kick.. He is so caring. He has this little kitten he has become attached to and he takes care of it and makes sure when he sits it down he takes it to his mama cat.

We spent last night checking on the garden and catching lightning bugs... The hillside just seemed like we were in a glass of glitter... everything was twinkling in waves of fireflies...it made me a child again.

They also love to play on my piano. And I am hoping to teach them how to read music or enroll them in classes. That is one of my biggest regrets is not being a great sight reader...I always play by ear and fall back on my memorization of music rather than actually reading it. Problem was.. I made it through college that way and never had a problem.

Kevin- Has been a huge help this week. He has taken care of the kids for me while I take his dad to all the doctor's visits and hospital visits. The kids and him have really bonded I think. We have had to make some changes but all in all I think we have a better balance in adversity than just normal day to day things. He is working on his websites and I am so proud of everything he is doing.

Me- I am living day to day. I am just trying to do my best everyday and not screw anything up. If I do.. I move on and try to do better tomorrow. I have been eating better than I have my whole life and I feel really good. I have my down days still... I think I always will.. where nothing but a spoonful of cookie dough will make me happy and not think about what might lay ahead for our little family. We are making it... and trying not only to survive what happens.. but thrive.. and live..

I love my little family...