So I have decided to write an update instead of taking a shower tonight... The kids are asleep and I finally have five minutes for a free thought to flow into my brain... I can always go kick the dirt off later..
January... Where did that month go? I will tell you it was not my favorite month but it did lead to some not so exciting discoveries. I cant really remember what the kids were doing or how Kevin was during the months of January and February all I can say is it has been a total blur and unless I write things down ( which I have not had the spare moments to do) it's lost on me. But I can tell you what has happened to me in the past couple of months and it might explain why I am a little behind in my updating.
Around the 19th I wasn't feeling so hot. I was grumpy in fact mostly because I had a headache that wouldn't go away so I decided it was best to lay down.. which made me nauseated. I headed into lay down at my Paw Paw's house and I knew it wasn't looking good for me so I decided it was best to just throw up and get it over with so I could drive home.
After I got out of the bathroom and got the kids rounded up and told my mom I wasn't feeling too good maybe she should drive we headed out. At this point I start getting nauseated but think everything is fine. We get to Sam's because we needed to run in for a second... I told my mom I would sit in the car with the kids while she ran in. I made it to that sentence when I started to freak out.. I couldn't handle being in the car anymore.. I sat outside the car on the pavement trying to breathe... it took 15-20 minutes to get up the nerve to get in the car and at that point I am shaking and thrashing about in tears.
At this point my mom offers to take me to the ER I say it's just a panic attack and there is not much they can do so I asked her to take me back to my Aunt's to sleep it off. Well, that just wasn't in the cards. By the time I get to my Aunt's I have to roll out of the car to vomit again and I make it to the bathroom in time to throw up again and I knew it was serious when I ruined a perfectly good pair of jeans... while throwing up.. I won't go into any further detail but I will just say that it happened too many times and a rug was considered trash after that as well.
So my mom comes in the bathroom... find me laying in my own puddle o nasty... and I tell her to call 911... because at this point my feet and my arms are going numb..
My mom keeps telling me to stay awake.. and I do.. but at this point I just was telling myself.. breathe... just long enough for the ambulance to get here .. and so they don't shock you.. I heard that hurts like hell.
I forgot to mention I tried to crawl into the shower to clean up but didn't make it that far... being as I was slumped over the tub and couldn't get the strength to pull myself in. So the firemen come...the EMTs come and my poor mother is trying to cover me up. You know not really how I wanted to meet hot firemen... pretty sure that position isn't the most attractive. "Hey baby, I know I am about to die.. but.. you look sexy.."
So they drag me out of the bathroom put me on a gurney but not before trying to collect all the information from me... at this point my hands are clinching around my face and I can't uncurl them.. so they hook me up to an IV , heart monitor, blood pressure cuff... all that good stuff that you love... and treated me to an ambulance ride to nowhere because all the ER's where full... so they found me one place at a hospital at this point I didn't care where.. and took me there.. w/o sirens.. I mean.. I am dying here and they could have at least turned the damn sirens on. But in my shape they could have had them on full blast and I not know it.
This really sweet EMT was just so nice to me...and stayed with me till my mom got to the hospital. Mealie went with Paw Paw immediately and saw me get loaded up into the Ambulance. William didn't get to so he was just looking at the firetrucks with all their lights on. I am kindof glad that memory isn't there for him. I felt miserable... dehydrated... and guilty that I was away from my kidlets.
At the hospital they run blood work, clean me up, cut the gown my mom put on me off.... and wheeled me to a not agreed to Cat Scan... they knew I was breastfeeding and I told them to do an ultrasound but they said this was the ONLY way to tell if something SERIOUS was happening... then the damn tube busted over my head while they were doing it.. "Oh it's fine.. wipe yourself up as we stand behind out lead wall"
SO... I see my mom and we both cry... no one knows what happened... I am being admitted and she is taking the kids so I would be there alone if not for my friend Laura who came and stayed the night with me. It was our first and only night we have had together without our kids being with us.. and we actually got to have a conversation! Too bad that conversation is goes for about $4,700.
So three days later... no clue whats wrong with me but my blood pressure got above 80/50 so I got to leave.
So my heart rate was insane, blood pressure dropped like a rock.. no clues...
Onto February... I made an appointment with my dad's PCP. Heard he was a good guy and would check me out to figure out why a virus (as everyone got sick after being around me) made my body freak out. He ran tests.. and it wasn't my thyroid, my adrenal glands, and all that jazz.. so they ran an E Kg that went well too... I told him about having panic attacks my whole life so he decided to ease my mind by running an echo-cardiogram, but he thought it was probably just a panic disorder.
I show up all fine and dandy for my test a week later....
Mitral Valve Prolapse..
okay.. Nothing major.. but .. I have a bone to pick here. All my life panic attacks and no one brought this up??? Dr OZ comes on the day after I get into the hospital and my mom tells me that's what fits my symptoms to go see my dad's doctor... and I really have a heart valve defect...
DR OZ??!?! Jeez...
My mom can now watch that show all she wants... lol
Anyways.. so I am not some lazy spaz as they wanted to write me off to be in school that freaked out over running laps.. assholes..
Okay.. pent up angry issues over public school over with.
On the good side I know what's wrong.. On the bad side.. I now have the label of defective heart valve.. I guess I can live with that.
Updates updates updates... on someone other than me.
Kevin- Working hard with all his new tools and already built his own workbench. Things are looking up for us :)
William- He is learning all sorts of cool things via my Ipod that I got for Valentine's Day. It's like having an Iphone w/o the outrageous contracts and monthly fees. He is beginning to annunciate his words better although I still have to act as translator for those who aren't around him as much.
He has taken to his balance bike and is zooming around so fast we are looking at getting a pedal bike just to slow his speedy little self down. The lights we put on the front and back are his favorite features.... besides the fact he can travel around the house in circles annoying everyone in 5 seconds or less.
These past months he has really grown into a little helper and still such a sweet little guy. Everytime I get on to him he tells me " But Mama I am a good boy..." It really melts me every time he does that... cause he is a good guy... He grounds me a lot.
Amelia- She has more teeth... better to bite you with. I have bruises all up and down my arms because when she gets bored or upset she will bite you.. then run to her room upset and slam the door. With me cutting my wisdom teeth at the same time I do give her sympathy because I wish I could just bite something and run into another room.
She is so smart. She absorbs everything around her and knows exactly how to get her way. She uses her cuteness for good and evil purposes.. lol She loves animals, babies, anything cute. But she is also big into trains like William. She has just started to want to draw and color which is cool. William has started to use scissors and glue and trying to write his name.. he has the W and A down but not much else.
Mealie is stilll nursing at night and some during the day and for naps but she is a huge eater now too. Mealie could live off any potato product. She is doing better about expanding the foods she eats.. but not if there is a potato in reach/sight.
She has this mischievious personality...yet gets her feelings hurt..instead of being sad though she usually gets pissed and runs into her room and slams the door.. or pushes the nearest person. ( Um... who does that sound like... perhaps she gets it from both sides.. so I will just assume it's Kevin's genes..)
Me- Back to me...
Kevin and I went on our first date in 3 years w/o the kidlets! And... so I dragged him to the Moms of Multiples kid's market... yay me. Okay! I know! I fudged that one completely. But afterwards we made up for it by avoided 280 traffic and heading to Stix ( which was really great.. I love that place!)
We got to do a lot of needed talking because really and truly we have mostly just lived our own lives and tick eachother off on the weekends... But now we both are on the same page for the most part. Each giving in a little makes it A LOT better. And remembering how we used to be.. was a big deal for me.
We did have a lot of fun together and still do , but it gets lost in all the nit picky, adult, grown up, bs we make for ourselves. The daily grind gets old....not seeing eachother everyday gets old, seeing eachother everyday gets old. LOL so you just have to live every single moment for every single moment and LET GO of things that bother you if they aren't really that important.
Life is good for me... Kevin and I are great... The kids are great.. I have stuff I am into and involved with.. I joined a womens choir.. I joined MOPS and have friends from there who are awesome. Things are good.. I am on week 2 of my diet and already lost weight. Everything is in balance and I just don't want to mess it up.
If you keep waiting for that perfect moment.. or forcing it to happen you will waste all the other moments to get to it... savor it all...
In peace and love,
Elizabeth
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