A new year has begun...2009 is finally dead and gone.... and like most things that die you look on them more fondly when they are gone..maybe erasing the sharp edges that had graced you and glazing it over with some mucked up version of your own realities. At any rate... it was one of the most painful and beautiful years. With the deaths in my family and my own paranoia raising it really made me sink in and dig my heels into every single wonderful moment and appreciate them till I was literally and still am literally mourning every minute of my own and my families own existence. Which in a way... made me shuffle off a lot of wasted energies.. which made me a better person I think.
Christmas .. oh that dreaded and wonderful word. Being not a Christian I have made my own traditions and really christmas had never been christian oriented for me.... but I hate trying to do my "own" holiday.. Christmas is just as much mine as anything else.. why should anyone else have a say on what I call my own yearly feasting and merriment..
My traditions.. created and passed down are as follows....
November comes and with it deep fried turkey and many of my mom's most wonderful things deviled eggs, potato salad, cornbread dressing, gravies, cranberry sauces, and green bean casserole, along with my pies, and buttermilk salad.
That weekend usually we get our tree... but with Kevin's work schedule we were abit late by about two weeks. We finally load up in our car and pick up Kevin's Dad. From his house we head out to the local tree farm. After winding up and down the trails we come back to the same spot we cut trees every year.. and the pickings get worse and worse... ( which come to find out is very sad not only because this farm grew my favorite evergreen variety.. but because they started growing the little faster growing trees for the mere fact that the owner is 85 and has no one to pass his tree farm onto.. as least no one in his family that wanted it :( .... so sad)
So after bouncing around the tree forest.. we find an acceptable if not perfect and quite large tree. We didn't realize just how large till they started to shake the loose needles from it and weren't able to bag it up because it was just... too .. BIG. So we strap it onto our car...and head down the road with our small forest in tow.
We get it to the house .. and barely fit it through the door. Much furniture rearranging later I find the perfect spot for it... pretty much the only place it will fit. With the tallest tip touching our 12ft ceiling it's safe to say.. nothing would top our tree this year. 12 strands of LED lights later our tree is thoroughly lit. I have to say looking at it makes me glow inside...probably from the overwhelming load we have put on the local electrical co op's resources.
Putting the ornaments on is my favorite part because I have more little ceramic footprints and hand prints from this year and get to see my sweet little babies first little prints again. I have ornaments now that both kids painted, ornaments that they both have picked out, ornaments I have made, ornaments my mom has given me, ornaments kevin's mom made ( although most this year weren't put on the tree because they are falling apart... which made me horribly sad)
We got our stockings out and little knick knacks that go around the house and it made it feel more like our home.. and our family was all just fine..everything from the past year just faded.. and I was home.. home at last. I sat down at some oranges and boiled the peels with cinnamon sticks and cloves .. and made the house smell just as good as I felt.
I felt guilty that I had everything pretty much done this year.. there was nothing to take the pressure off my mind... nothing to fiddle with, at least nothing that begged for my immediate attention. Idle with my time I got edgy with not being stressed out if that makes any sense at all.
Then I got started in on everything I "had" to get done. There must be cookies and make some cut out cookie cutter memories ... which only makes for frustrated moms and heartbroken kidlets. It's all too much.... there is no one wonderful way to create memories.. they just happen.
Like I didn't like the idea of Santa clause... but William.. that's all he talked about this year.. that and having his "big gun" I must say I gave in... his love of guns overpowered my absolute hatred of his love of guns.. .and bought him a little wooden gun from a craft show for a dollar. And ever since he begged of me to take him to see Santa for a gun.. where he got the notion of Santa so badly I don't know, but anyways... I bought the Night Before Christmas and started reading it to him and Mealie every night. They loved counting the reindeer, pointing Santa out, and realizing that our stockings matched the ones in the book. These moments go by so fast... these memories will fade with time and for me to realize this while it happens.. and snuggle down with my two little babies and linger in their love... makes me feel like the greatest human alive...
So Christmas Eve came and we went out to eat Chinese food with Kevin's Dad. The kids always have fun pestering Li Lou ( our ex cat now his) playing with the cats sleeping box and pushing each other around in it, while making book stairs to drive little match box cars over, while bringing out all the unused silverware out of the drawers and putting it all back.
At home we get there and the power is out... and by time it comes on again the kids are still awake, so we read them the Night Before Christmas and get a plate full of pretzels and a glass of milk for Santa and put at least William to bed because Mealie wouldn't go to sleep.
We got to wrapping all the gifts and Kevin got to putting together W's balance bike and Mealie's wooden push cart..in time for the lights to go out again. I ran out and got my flashlight from my purse and we went back to work.
It was all so much fun... I love wrapping presents.. even though Kevin is way better than I am I still enjoy doing it. And what was even more fun is watching the kids faces... especially when it was all said and done.. the living room busted apart... and the last present laying there was W's "big gun" a orange gun his Daddy got for him and is now William's most treasured item besides his coveted "blue car."
Then after peeling the kids away from their playthings we headed to the kids Great Grandparents. First stop was Paw Paw Major's and aunt Tammy. We pretty much tailed my parents visiting everybody so every house was full of people and I loved that... I really needed that. I can still see it in my head, but most importantly I have some beautiful pictures and I didn't bust my ass trying to get perfect shots.. they just happened... and that makes it better than anything else... because I got to enjoy my time with everybody. Paw paw Major is one of kids favorite people. Their Paw Paw's and Grandmaws are all very very special and well loved and well known comforts for them. Seeing William set his gun next to his Paw Paw's and knowing how much that meant to both of them... very symbolic of being a part of something bigger.. being attached .. being a part of a family that is very connected... I like that grounding feeling.
We drove over to Cricket's house ( my dad's mom) and right off the bat I am going back and forth to the car because I want the camera. Finally, I got the camera and while I got only one fair shot of Cricket and the kids ( because the kids and camera weren't being cooperative.. ) I did get two minutes of her talking.. and that my friends is worth more than all the money on earth..
What was great was getting to sit there and listen to her tell us about her life... the present times.. the past times.. every time. Some of my most cherished memories are sitting on the couch opposite of her and just talking. I miss that.. between chasing the kids.. and just life passing by.. I don't get to just sit with her like I want to. However.. that day we did.. and that was a true gift.
After that we headed back to my mom and dad's for our roast beast ( turkey) and it was good. Just having the smells of my mom's kitchen swirling around you make you happy and all the women gather in the kitchen while all the men go in the living room to talk about football... Kevin hauling around his huge college football stat book I got him for Christmas.. educating the masses on every single line. All the family sitting down to open presents and gathered around the tree.. it was a nice moment. Daddy opened his big gift and it was the whole Red Dwarf series and god that brought back memories of sitting with my dad as a little girl watching this show that came on late on PBS after Faulty towers, and Are you being served? .
I have to say this was one of my favorite holidays...
Now sitting here... looking at my tree... knowing it must leave me soon... I have to say my whole outlook on this holiday season has changed... it used to be so sad to me.. but now I am just full of the warm feelings that are all but lost... I like going back to the simpler way of life, back to the grass roots, back to just curling up with your loved ones and holding on tight... and that being enough.. cause really.... if you have that.. my friends.. you have it all...
I have it all....
it's 3am... actually 19 past.. and I have more to say... but I would rather be cuddling my babies and warm under my quilt... so a little less I might write about my life.... but you can be sure.. I am in love with every moment.
Elizabeth....
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