My life has been a torrent of emotions that just floods my every being.. So let's start with November.. November started off great and I meant to write about it because I had such an awesome time of it up until I went on my trip to Mobile. My birthday was awesome! I got to surprise my mom with her Le Creuset pot.. the worlds greatest pot.. that and I couldn't stand waiting until Christmas.. I was crying on the phone with my sister begging her to let me give it to her early.. but I managed to wait till my birthday party.
The party was so much fun I had so many people coming over.. and I have to say one of my best parties yet.. amazing what happens when you just let things happen and go with the flow. Both me and my dad celebrate our birthdays on the same day since they are so close and we both ended up with a couple of Alabama shirts so that was funny.
I am still very blissfully aware and grateful of the knowledge that people care about me so much.. I have a great base of friends and family and without that I would be lost.
Thanksgiving followed the Mobile trip which was a puke fest.. followed by the swine flu.. We got to see Grant and Rachel which we haven't seen in a long long time and they were doing well... but besides that the trip just blew... majorly.
By the time me and the kiddos were well.. Kevin got the piggy flu and had to stay home while I went to my parents for Thanksgiving. Everything about this year has been slightly off... The beginning of the year started with two horrible deaths and I guess I just haven't managed to quite quell this pain in the back of my mind. That and it's made me horribly morbid ( yes.. even more so than before) and paranoid ( as if I could be anymore..) ... Urgh.. it's been an off year.
I keep thinking something is missing... and by time I think that I already know what/who it is.. and I just cry... I want to curl up under a blanket and cry for days.. and it still wouldn't be enough. So I keep myself busy... and it's all just a blur right now..
December has begun.. and the past couple of nights we had snow.. and it just made me happy.. not like usual... but enough. We still haven't gotten our tree.. which could be a good thing considering we don't want to have another baby just yet lol.. but none of the decorations are up.. and I am just not very festive this year. I am also not very stressed out about anything either. I seemed unusually easy going , relaxed... and almost to the point of being considered uncaring.. But I feel like I am spending more quality time with the kids.. hence why the lack of updates .. I quickly check my websites and hop back off to enjoy my babies... and try to keep the house clean. I am better at the previous than the latter...
Oh well.. it's that time of year again and it's making me weird... I am growing more on the inside I think. I think I am a better mother now than in the past years.... I am trying to be the person I want to be while liking who I am now.. it's a tough road..
My children are growing up so fast.. and while I am beaming with joy.. I am weeping vast oceans of tears... clawing the walls of time as I am being dragged down the hallway of life... I am already missing them...
Here's to learning to let go and enjoy the ride..
Love...
Elizabeth...
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