In my life I seem to be on the road all the time..back and forth never really stopping and consequently I find that all my really good thoughts are made in between my destinations rather than sitting still long enough wherever I am at to think for just a second before I head out again. I am trying to do what is best for myself and most importantly my children. I pack myself and my kids up and head to my mom's whiles my husband is away for work. Every week I pack up and leave to come back on the weekends with my husband.. be a normal family for perhaps three days then off again.
Tonight is the first night in a long while I am at home when Kevin isn't.. and honestly it hasn't been too bad. William really misses him though, which is why I usually stay at my mom's, so now he has Paw Paw to be around so it hurts a little bit less. I am a nomad of sorts.. my home is the people around me..not a set place. I feel like a total failure at being a wife and mother when I leave here but I despise being alone...I am at a crossroads and I have taken the be alone stance tonight.. and it's a little rough right now, but I hope it will be better.
I have a really good relationship with my parents and my mom and I get along great, we go shopping together, talk, cook, etc etc . My sister is also there so it creates a little tension because she works and if I am there the kids are usually squawking so it gets on her nerves... so I feel uncomfortable in that aspect.
William likes it here when Daddy's home and at Grandma's when he's gone...leaving both really has been hard on him lately so something has got to be done..either way I go about it I feel like I can't make the right decision. Although staying over for the day and coming home tonight was okay..it's just costly since gas is going up.
Maybe an idea will strike me as I head out on the road tomorrow. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so completely isolated here, but I am.. so on the road I go..
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