The ups and downs

It has been a roller coaster ride lately , we not only have a new baby but we added Cosmo the smooth brained maltese , Bob the fish ( he is very chill), and three parakeets of many names I think the last set the kids settled on was Bill, Zoe, and Fluffy. I think I forgot to mention that in my dense pregnancy fog… and now that that is somewhat abating I can finally focus and write for 5 seconds.

The main up and down is the fact we might be moving soon. I am not sure I like it. There is only one pro in staying here and that is my family and friends are here. Everything else here isn't of much consequence and quite frankly on the list of cons. Pros there are mild summers, people supposedly more like us, the fact my husband will be able to be a part of our lives is a biggie, and we have a huge opportunity to change our circumstances.

Not that I haven't been more than honest in my writings, but I am going to be very honest right now. I don't sleep. Most nights I lay in bed (trolling comments sections on Facebook ha!) and I wait until sunrise to finally feel at ease enough to close my eyes and enter a state of rest. I have never liked being alone, and my life right now lends itself to me being alone a lot. I have had a wonderful few days where I am surrounded by people I really care about and these are the days that make leaving hard. But then there are other days I feel I am cut off from everything. I do the shopping alone, the cleaning, the chores, the everything. If something breaks during the week its on me. If someone gets sick or god forbid I get sick, I'm on my own. There is not cut and dry or black and white way to make a decision as huge as this, but I do know my mental health on an day in day out basis would probably greatly benefit from having my husband home every night.

And worst case scenario we can always move back home… there is nothing keeping us anywhere.

Updates

William- 

If he would just sit and  focus he could accomplish so much(My dad used to tell me the same thing
FOCUS…and I never did…or I did in spurts ). I have so many hopes for him, but he's so much like me in personality its scary. He gets bummed out and feels just as isolated and alone as I do. He wants real true friends and I want to  give them to him.

He's so good with other people and he's my responsible guy. Always being the helper.

Amelia- 

I really wish she didn't have my temper. Alas, she does… and my poor doors are suffering from it. She is a super pleaser… she wants to make sure everyone is happy all the time even at her own detriment.. I wish she would do what she wants and take charge sometimes.

She is doing very well in her schoolwork and starting to be more confident reading. I wish she liked learning about historical figures more but she has  the same annoyance of anything black and white that Kevin does.

Frederick- 

HE SPEAKS!!! not much and sometimes some words aren't clear… but he is speaking and regularly!  I'm so happy about hearing his sweet little voice.  He is a runner.. so most of my pictures are of the back of his head. He is pure boy.. noise covered in dirt. He sees things so much differently than anyone else. Instead of saying more of something or a lot he says "much." He is my observer. He likes to sit back from the outside and peek in although he tends  to get into everything trying to figure out how it works or be a big boy.

Just the other day he emptied all of the fish food in Bob's bowl which made the whole kitchen stink like moldy fish. Poor bob has to be scooped out with a big ladle. Or when he flooded the kitchen trying to water  the plants. Or tried to pour his own cereal and emptied it all over the table. I know its normal toddler issues but I feel like he's a little hurricane.

Sophia-

She has just turned three months and has grown so much. She was smiling from day one and hasn't stopped. She is a beam of light. We call her whistle pig because she is constantly grunting for food and when she is seeking attention literally squeals for you to talk to her or hold her. And I would write more but she has given me more than ample amounts of time to write all of this… so I will gush about her chubby little feet.. and copious amounts of rolls on her chunky little baby arms and legs…

She has a mohawk! …Her cute little chicklet fuzz forms this wonderful little tuft on the top of her head that instantly makes me happy …

ahhhhh She beckons.. .

Namaste…