Updates

It's been awhile to say the least.. I've been wanting to sit down and write for awhile but it seems time escapes me and I value sleep more now than I did in my younger days ...4 hours just doesn't cut it .
So here it is a whole season has passed us by... We've spent it fairly well I would say. I spend my time ferrying kids back and forth to the big city, visiting their great grandparents , doctors appointments , etc

Here's some updates:)

Freddie-

He's a complete joker , he has this personality of a trickster . He says words randomly but mostly squeals or screams depending on mood. He's most talkative and babbles in the early morning. He is very attentive and soaks up his surroundings. Truly a lover of books , especially those with real animal pictures in them, those are his favorites. His great grandfather gets the biggest kick out of Fred . And Fred just loves being around his paw paw.
               I believe he has all his teeth now and beautiful golden curls that I refuse to cut . He is still breastfeeding and is still very much my baby boy. I still wear him often in our favorite mei :) despite the fact he is way longer than his older siblings so his feet hit my knees.
                He is the only child I know that loves salad..always has .. I had to chew it up for him before  he had enough teeth but he always wanted it and now he can even master eating miso soup with the big spoon :)  he is constantly figuring out everything. If there is a button to be fond he can find it. He is constantly pushing the roomba's button but he is scared of it so he pushes it and then runs like crazy to get away, but if you turn it off he gets mad , runs back and turns it back on again.
              I love that he has started to want to walk around and hold my hand. He wasn't doing this before but I find it one of my favorite parts of him being this age. He is finally starting to be a toddler in my eyes instead of a baby. Which is so bittersweet. I love him to pieces.

Amelia-

She was such a difficult toddler and now she is a strong willed opinionated child, but has such a fragile heart and gets her feelings hurt often. I've never seen a child love a grandma more than this one. She would live at her grandma's house if I let her. We haven't seen grandma for one day because my mom had to have a checkup , and she's in tears saying its been forever and wanted to go over there tonight , lets pack up and go !
              I'm amazed at the concepts she picks up, and devastated that she is very similar to me in ways. I want her to preserve that lovely bubbly giggle that just brightens the world...but she gets dark and worried, nervous and scared  and that's most definitely a trait I have passed down.. Death has been a commonplace subject for her..she misses grandpa and the baby. And it gets me upset all over again too, but I try not to let on how much .
               She's a great learner and underestimates her abilities ( yep me again ) I wish she could understand she is capable of more than she thinks. I think doing the cheerleader camp helped her work at a goal and achieve it. She loves to cheer and was showing off her cheers to her cousins today and you could tell how much pride she took in it. I love her more than words can say.

William -

My sweet little boy is now going through some serious growing pains.. He used to be such am easy going child but now is often frustrated, hurt, and angry.. The world around him doesn't fit in neat little packages and it constantly is a source of irritation. Conflicts arise and he finds that unacceptable . However I think just the tolls of being on the road so much have a lot to do with it. He's a homebody and I've got traveling bones... I'm learning to slow down more..I need to.
                He's lost his two front teeth and two bottom teeth but that hasn't stopped our progress with speech therapy. We have one or two more sounds to master and to master self correcting and we'll be done. I'm extremely happy we have the lady we do. William loves going . Seeing all the kids there makes him so happy and it humbles me, because there are kids there with far greater disabilities and it reminds me how much I take for granted that I have 3 healthy children. William's favorite thing to do is to get this one usually non verbal child to laugh, and this time he got he got him to say bye. And he put his hand out like to say stop no , he didn't want William to leave, so now we stay a little later so they can play together since they've become good friends.
               He can be such an awesome kid when he wants to be <3 nbsp="" p="">
Me-

I've been put through a whole rainbow of emotions this summer. I have been extremely saddened and thrilled . Through the complete elation of being pregnant and then to suddenly lose the baby was a scary and distressing time. I keep picking things up going "oh that's cute " then like a sudden pain goes through me when it's like "ooh yeah I'm not pregnant anymore ."  In the back of my mind I keep thinking maybe something is wrong, maybe it's something worse. What if I have cancer? What if something is going to happen to my next pregnancy.

I know I shouldn't but I blame myself. I think what if I accidentally ingested something that hurt my baby, a soft cheese or lunch meat, what if my super low calorie diet caused my body not to maintain it? Could I had been pregnant when I went out for drinks one might and made something go wrong...I'll never know...and I know usually ,miscarriages happen because there is a chromosomal abnormality but it doesn't make it easier...  I have had close friends go through far worse..I should t be that upset..I shouldn't feel like "someone " died...

I am not ready to be pregnant again.. I'm waiting to prepare myself a little bit more than I did this last time. Don't get me wrong if it did happen I would be thrilled but also terrified....I wish there was an app for that. View the womb 2.0 constant text alerts your baby is fine....

I'm the queen of repression... I just do what I have to do and move on... Make myself so busy I don't have time to think about stuff like this..

Besides all of the above, I've been doing well. I'm addicted to my new favorite breakfast ,an egg fried in the middle of a hole in a piece of bread. Who knew that would be so tasty?

At any rate hopefully next time won't be so long away...
Namaste
Elizabeth