I don't know what to write but I know I need to write something. I didn't know how bad something could be.. until a couple days ago. I am not sure if there is a heaven.. but I KNOW there is a hell. My dear sweet friends.. sisters for all that we have been through together.. Lost their sweet little babies one day after the other. I can't ease their pain.. I can't touch it with my own. If I could take the pain and suffering all onto myself for them I would gladly do it in an instant.
Tears just pour out of me.. randomly.. a song.. a look.. a thought.. and my pain doesn't even compare.. doesn't even rate on the scale.. These two are two of the most loving, caring, doting, devoted mothers on the planet. These babies were loved from the moment they were thought of let alone conceived and spent their lives in the best wombs available.. Why this happened is a complete act of random chance.. not caused by anyone or anything. It just happened.
My heart goes out to them as a piece of theirs has been lost. They deserved to hold their babies.. get bitten by them while they were teething.. peed on during diaper changes.. and randomly cooed at to make up for it. This sucks.. and blows.. and everything in between...
I was pregnant by proxy.. they were me.. I knitted.. and shopped.. and hoped .. and dreamed.. and I am still.. in shock from it all as are they..
This is a like a giant boulder that they must carry alone.. and it never goes away. With time.. you gather your strength... and day by day.. the load .. that pain.. doesn't get lighter.. but you get strong enough to carry it..
I love you both.. and always will,
Your friend
Elizabeth
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