I have hours upon hours of thoughts that randomly get written down only in my mind while I am driving down the road once again...winding and spinning I am writing down my life as I live it. Thoughts rush in and out ..fly by and twist around flying by me likes the leaves twirling around in the wind outside the windows. I think about my life and I am often thrilled, giddy with the anticipation of a new day, new experiences and soft lovely treasures that often pass your way when you are young and in the summer of your life.. The art of being a mother in all of this is really the art of managing your time wisely.
Right now I am not because I am spending time writing all these wonderful feelings out instead of snuggly settling down with my young all warm in bed and I slipped out to finally get these thoughts out on paper.. or well at least a computer screen. I find myself in awe of my little creations.. in good ways and in bad. How is it these cute cuddly babies turn into little 2 year old monsters that find pleasure in hitting and biting rather than hugging and kissing? At the same time I am so glad I am going through it all over again with my second child...my lovely little girl. I wanted boys ..boys boys boys.. I was a tomboy growing up so all I wanted was a little boy to dote upon and call mine. Well, this little girl changed me.. I am in love with the color pink and can't wait to dress her in flowy hippie skirts and tie dye just like me :) .
I'm in love with being a mother...the sad part is that I know these are some of the best times of my life and that these times are fleeting. I could lay in bed snuggled next to them forever. Watching them both smile..coo.. laugh..all while asleep.. dreaming whatever a newly born creature on this Earth dreams. I hope my ancestors.. my family that never got to meet these two can at least in passing come and watch them grow.
Sometimes I can smell them around me.. you know how every person has their own distinct smell.. even their perfume melds to them like on no other person.. I feel them close to me and it brings me both warmth and a sadness that they no longer are with me. It seems like a million years ago that I could see them.. yet it seems like it all went by in just a blink.
With all this rambling all I really wanted to say is that I am trying to be a better person than yesterday.. and better tomorrow than today.. I feel sometimes like I fail myself too much. Maybe I gave up on some dreams to fast...traded my dreams for now for my dreams for later. All will be ironed out in time. One thing I have yet to learn is how to just sit back and enjoy the now.. stop rushing towards the future... and cherish these moments that I will never get back again.
Off to go snuggle by babies,
Hummingwombat :P
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