She Arrived

Around 1:30am on September 15th I awoke as usual to hobble to the bathroom on one of my many nightly trips. However, this particular trip would lead to me discovering that my water had indeed broken and I perhaps should call my doctor, mother, and tell my husband what is going on.

Around 2:30am we were on our way to the hospital and I had my first contraction on the way down. The ride down however was pleasant and there was a stormy sky so we got to watch lightning in the clouds the whole way down.

We arrived at the hospital 30 minutes before my mother, who was coming to watch William ( although he was an absolute angel the whole time) while I was in labor. They checked my cervix and I was 4cm dialted 80% effaced and still -2 station. They reccommended I go ahead and get my epidural if I wanted one because the of how fast my labor could go.

I received my epidural and was still feeling everything so they gave me a booster which helped but didn't fully work either. I focused on the light above my bed because it looks like the little indentions were water droplets and it gave me something pleasant to think about.

My father made his way to the hospital and brought everyone breakfast, at this point we were all just watching the clock roll by waiting for the doctor. The nurses changed shifts and with it the tone of my labor changed as well... Thus far my birthing experience was exactly as I pictured it and how I imagined.. that was not how it stayed.

The next nurse came and checked me as I told her my epidural was wearing off. The next man who gave me a booster on my epidural was amazing and nice and truly if he would have been the one to give it to me in the first place I wouldn't need a booster. I was a 9 1/2 cm and fully effaced but still -2 station where she pretty much stayed until I pushed.

The nurse had questions about my not wanting pitocin during my labor. I didn't want them to speed my birth up with it , however I said if needed afterwards it was fine and my Dr. was also made aware of this even though my birth plan stated "NO PITOCIN: I wish to augment my labor naturally"

I was told to start pushing even though the Dr. wasn't in the room. I got nauseated during pushing because of the position they put me in..I asked to be leaned forward instead of laying backwards. I started to vomit and by the time I was finished the nurse was begging me not to push because "I don't want to deliver this baby, you need to wait on the doctor" I personally would have loved to wait on the doctor, but if you recall my dear you were the one who started me pushing.

My doctor arrived and not even 10 minutes of pushing later came my beautiful 8lbs 13oz baby girl at 12:11pm who was 20 3/4 inches long with beautiful dark brown hair. I started to cry as they placed her on my chest...she was beautiful and wonderful.. then taken away to be weighed and measured.

My doctor said he would wait and see on the pitocin but that I might end up needing it and I said okay and he congratulated me as he left the room. I only needed 1 little stitch from where I tore and was feeling okay. The nurse came over to take out my epidural and then I started to have a panic attack or what I thought was a panic attack.

I had not stopped bleeding and quickly my poor husband who was watching the ignorant nurses rush about me was split up between a wailing baby who was basically left in the basinet and not even swaddled and his wife laying there across the room fading out. My nurse was about to hook up the pitocin when some nurse whom I never seen before came in and stopped her then started yelling at me " why did you not want Pitocin, now we have to wait on your doctor!" " where did you look the information up" My husband at this point was telling the nurse that came in that we had already discussed that it was okay to give me the Pitocin.

By the time my doctor came in my BP was 60 over 30 and he said " why don't you give her the Pitocin?!"

Already they had been pounding on my belly trying to stop the bleeding manually. My parents waiting outside heard the baby crying and knew she was okay and was born, but then heard nothing else until they heard my screaming from the nurses pounding my poor womb...then they knew something was horribly wrong.

Kevin went outside to let them know what was going on after they had stabilized me. Then came back in as they kept pressing on my belly.

As much pain as I was in all I can think about is the look in his eyes...and how much he was hurting. He really was scared to lose me...but it didn't hit me until I saw my mother when she came in with tears in her eyes and hugged me that I could have been lost. I am an extremely lucky woman to have so much love surrounding me.

I finally got to hold my baby...and hug my other baby who had been so good through the whole thing. While I can't say that the experience is what I wanted it's what happened and what I went through to have what I have in my arms right now, so that being said I will try not to let it upset me..

I am home and happy safely protected by my loving husband and strong little man. Right now I am just going to focus on them and let everything else fall by the way side.