The First Months Out

I held him close and called him my little burrito. He was all swaddled up in his blankets snug and secure. Sometimes he would frog up on my chest... he looked like a little bitty tree frog. I remember his hands feeling so soft like a dumpling made out of biscuit dough. It was truly love at first sight. This little bundle of all my dreams come true was fnally here...

His first week home I was in super mom mode. I was on an adrenaline high.. I should have really taken it easy and laid around, but instead I was off to festivals and cleaning like a mad woman. I never let on that I should rest or needed help until it was entirely too late. I hit a brick wall to where I just couldn't do anymore. I got a horrible infection and finally had to be pumped full of antibiotics and I just fell apart and cried. I acted like superwoman the two weeks my husband got to be with me and right when I needed him he was leaving. Then I was left alone, completely alone with a new lil guy.

My infection was going away and I calmed down and got my act together, but was missing my husband dreadfully. This beautiful creature was growing and changing before my eyes and the one person I wanted by my side wasn't here to see it. But things got better and he ended up being at home way more than ever.

To tell you the truth it is really hard to remember all of the stuff that happened those months because they went by so fast, and there was just so much happening to take it all in would be an amazing task. I did however keep a book with all the things we did and for the first few months had his picture taken every two weeks.

By time he was 3 months old I discovered two great groups that really helped me socialize and learn abit too. My local La Leche League and Magic City Slingers ( a local babywearing group) both were great places to meet other like minded moms. After being able to finally get out and meet other moms I didn't feel quite so alone.

You never fully realize how much you actually do have a handle on things until you meet other moms just like you going through the same things. No you can't do it all and be a total Martha Stewart, but you can do what you do well. I used to be so jealous of these moms that had themselves all fixed up and put together because I really thought that they were what I should strive to be like, but that is not who I am. I was never dolled up or had my hair done perfect or wore makeup before I had my buddha baby, so why were appearances so hyped up afterwards.

Society puts such a strain on new mothers to be everything. You have to be thin, pretty, and be able to clean, cook and take care of the being that depends soley upon you and not complain about it or be sad. We usually internalize all these messages being fed to us and instead of going with our gut instincts we follow the leader and head off into a zombie like state of self loathing ness that we never deserved to be in.

Having my little guy showed me how powerful and great just being me was. I am a stronger more confident woman because of him. He has truly made me a better person and I don't know where I would be right now if I didn't have him to guide me.

He wakes up every morning with a smile on his face... just glowing and happy to see me. I was never a morning person until he came along and makes everyday start off with this beaming grin that would make anyone want to freeze time and bask in it's warmth for the rest of eternity. He truly is my sunshine...